There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
