my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
