I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
