dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
