The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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