dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
