I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
