Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
