When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
