i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
