When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
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My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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