i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
