at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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