My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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