I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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