If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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