Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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