oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
