Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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