is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
