i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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