Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
