from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
