Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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