I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
