my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
BRING THE BAGELS
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
