We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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