If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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