Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
