I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
