It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
