i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
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she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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