Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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