I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
