I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
