No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
