Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
