are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
