i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
