Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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