plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
