i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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