Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
