The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
