Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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