i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think I sprained my soul last night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
