how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
