I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I supernannyed him into submission
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
