people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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