I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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