and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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