There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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