My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
