you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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