Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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