I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
