She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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