Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
