he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what day is it and did you see me today?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
