i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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