tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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