if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
