lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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